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Thoughts for a Woman's Heart |
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encouragement in things that matter |
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It Still Hurts |
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It happened yesterday. He was having so much fun, speeding through the backyard patio area, screeching the fat plastic tires of his Big Wheel. And then a wheel caught on a table leg, and he tumbled off. Today an oversized Sesame Street band-aid covers the scraped knee, and I asked him how he was doing. "It’s okay, Mommy. The band-aid made it all better." If only life could be that way. A hurt happens. A band-aid is applied. The hurt is all better. Life doesn’t happen that way though. The hurts are deeper and more lasting. A rejection. A lie. Abuse. Abandonment. Misunderstanding. Trust destroyed. Relationships severed. Emotional needs crying out from a raw ache deep inside. It may have happened yesterday. It may have happened long years ago. Well-meaning Christians pull out a box of band-aids, clearly labeled "Forgiveness," and tell you to cover the wound with a large one, and everything will be okay. And you’ve tried – but it still hurts. What’s wrong? Forgiveness is not only a good Biblical principle, but it is also commanded in Scripture. The problem is that we don’t always fully understand it. Forgiveness is both a choice and a process. It is a choice enabled by the grace of God to give to God the angry, bitter, retaliatory feelings that can be ours when someone has hurt us. It doesn’t change the "wrong" that was done to a "right," neither does it remove the consequences of the wrong, or the hurt of the wrong. Instead, the one who forgives accepts those consequences and hurts that she must live with. She can find direction for working through the consequences within God’s enabling wisdom, and she will find hurts beginning to heal in the warmth and security of God’s love. By now though, we are in the process of forgiveness, and this is where our questions can come. Since a choice was already made for forgiveness, we sometimes expect the whole issue to be fully resolved, and yet there are times when the wrong committed against us seems to batter us again with its consequences and hurts, and we wonder if we have truly forgiven. Let me wholeheartedly say, "Yes, you have!" Within the process of forgiveness, I pour out my heart before my Father-God and immerse myself in His ongoing grace that is able to meet the deepest needs of my heart. I depend on Him for His continuing wisdom, and I reaffirm my choice to forgive. Choosing to forgive and staying in the process of forgiveness bring the freedom for hurts to heal, but that healing itself may also be a process. |
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— Bev |
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Readers are invited to respond to Bev by contacting her at WomansHeart@BethanyBibleFellowship.org. We are sorry that she cannot personally answer your emails, but she will try to address your questions and concerns in future articles. |
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