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Thoughts for a Woman's Heart |
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encouragement in things that matter |
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Walls
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Children at play, build walls of wooden blocks or plastic interlocking ones. Contractors use wood or concrete or brick. Relationally, we build walls from unresolved anger. They can be walls of deafening silence, or they may be walls of bitter sarcasm. Either way, they distance us from those we love. Anger itself can take different forms – hurt, disappointment, frustration, even depression. Jesus told a story about a servant who was forgiven an enormous debt by the king to whom he was indebted. The servant erupts in hostile anger though when he confronts another servant that he works with, who happens to owe him a rather insignificant debt. We know from Jesus’ application of the story that the servant had a problem with forgiveness, but he had also built walls in his relationship with his fellow servant because he was frustrated, at the least, by not having the insignificant debt paid. If we live with people, we will live with frustrations and disappointments. It’s the result of being very fallible human beings. And when we are not being offended ourselves, we have the potential of inflicting offenses on others. The fact though of an imperfect world is not the issue. What creates problems is how we respond. If we respond with anger, anger will build relational walls, which will greatly inhibit forgiveness, and the relationship, at best, will be stifled. (To stifle a relationship literally means to not give it enough air to grow.) Then, we have more anger, more walls, more unforgiveness, and a greater diminishing of the relationship. How do we break the cycle? We begin with a humility that is willing to take an honest look at the responsibility that is mine. Such a humility not only takes a personal inventory, but is also willing to strive for personal purity before God and within the relationship, regardless of what the offender has done. Is there an area where I have been wrong? Must I always prove that I am right? Some offenses are even less significant than the fellow servant’s. Is the offense something that simply needs to be covered in love and accepted? Love can also cushion the necessary confrontation that is not willing to ignore or deny significant offenses, but desires to deal with them openly and constructively for the purpose of bringing healing to the relationship. At this point, an objective third party may prove very helpful. In breaking the cycle of wall building, we may or may not, restore the relationship, but we can still tear down walls. The "how" of our response in one relationship affects still other relationships that we have. Developing wise and godly responses even in difficult situations, will enable us to become more and more the women God wants us to be. |
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— Bev |
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