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O Lord, why do you stand so far away? Why do you hide when I need you the most? Ever feel that way? The psalmist obviously did as his confusion left his situation without answers. When my own situations leave me in confusion, I want clear-cut answers and direction. I want God to spell out how I should respond to people and distinctly outline the steps I should take. But the clear answers aren’t there, and the fuzzy ones leave me in the muddle, and my faith desperately holds on to God, only because I’m smart enough to know that there are no other workable options if I let go. Why though, does God seem distant and silent, or, why am I so deaf to what He may be trying to say to me? I recognize that it is God’s privilege to conceal what He chooses, but the lack of clarity frustrates my attempts at obedience.
Shortly before His death, Jesus very deliberately took His disciples aside, and spoke crystal clear words to them about the suffering that would soon be His. And this was not the first time He had instructed these men about His death and resurrection. Yet how did the disciples respond? It seems they were deaf – they did not understand. They could not comprehend what Jesus was talking about! James and John show a total insensitivity to what Jesus had been saying by abruptly changing the subject to eternal seating arrangements that would give them personal recognition. The scene presents, not a silent God, but deaf disciples. Why? It simply may not have been time yet for them to fully understand. Later, we see these same disciples not only understanding, but also being empowered by God’s Spirit, and responding to the things they now understood. James and John perhaps blindly, but still rather blatantly, were both pre-occupied with self. In the midst of our own need, it is easy to do likewise. We petition God, and our words sound appropriate enough, but our heart is still wrapped around self, and God’s answers that have a tendency to pull us away from self, can seem a bit fuzzy. Personal expectations also enter in. The disciples were more open to a triumphant Savior, than a suffering One. So often God’s answers are outside our box of expectations. When they are, our hearing needs a greater sensitivity and a greater willingness to respond to what God wants to communicate to us.
In my own confusion, I will still tenaciously hold on to God, but I recognize that I may need to patiently wait for His answers, and while I am waiting, examine my own heart to see where self or personal expectations are hindering my ability to "hear."
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